Friday, May 4, 2012

Scarry Potter - The Graveyard



Scarry Potter, bound firmly to the headstone stared with a mixed feeling of agony and
curiousness. The dark lord rose from the dead moment ago. His scar was paining like
 never before. He saw the blurred outlines of Wormtail (with only one arm) and the
Darklord at a short distance. The port key - the Triwizard cup which was the only way
out, was lying a few meters away alongside Cedric's frozen body.

If only he could just touch it ...
Darklord: Ah ... it feels nice to be back but why am I wearing my robe backwards Wormtail?
Wormtail: It's not your robe master. I think your head is twisted the other way.
Darklord: Tut tut. Proff. Quirell has indeed left me with some bad habits ... let's get this right,
 shall we? (and twists his head back to normal)

He turns to Potter "We shall have our business in a moment. First lets get some 
audience. Summon the death eaters! Give me your hand Wormtail"
Wormtail: No way... I already lost one. How am I supposed to cut the other one? With my teeth?
Darklord: It is to make a call to the death eaters you fool. OK, I shall rely on WWS (Wireless 
Wand Service - for those who do not know). Give me your wand.

He picks up the wand and tries to get in touch with the death eaters. Each of them
responded by arriving at the spot. All except one - which said  
"The wizard you are calling is currently busy ... Please stay on the spell or try later"

The summoned death eaters, all wearing masks gather around in a circle.
A death eater: (whispers) It's so dark in here.
2nd one: Shh ... Thats why they call him the dark-lord. Are you a new recruit?
1st one: Yes. By the way did you notice that he has no ears?
2nd one: Because he's the snake guy. He's partially deaf. Wait a minute. You are the wand maker,
aren't you?
1st one: Shh ... How did ya know?
2nd one: You have not removed the price tag from your wand yet.
1st one: (chuckles) Picked one from the shelf as soon as I got the call.
2nd one: OK. Now keep quiet.

Darklord meanwhile turning back to Scarry Potter. "So we meet again"
Potter: (screams in agony) Aaaaargh my scar Painss ...
Darklord: Haha even my dog paints. I am the greatest wizard of all time!
Death Eater: (whispers) Poor guy is deaf indeed!

Meanwhile Potter instinctively thinks about the last meeting between the two back in the
 chamber of secrets. He remembers how Dumbledore's name got the better of Tom Riddle
 and how Dumbledore helped him escape the chamber. He goes back at it again.
Potter: . Nope. You ain't the best. Dumbledore was always better (and thinks) "I hope that old 
man send in something useful this time"
Darklord: (heat rising within) Dumbledore ... Dumbledore ... We'll see how he's gonna get you
out this time. Let's duel and finish it off

Meanwhile ... at Dumbledore's office.
Dumbledore: (to Fawkes the pheonix): Shoo Shooo birdie ... go and help him.

Fawkes is not interested.
Dumbledore: Okay so I guess that's the end of Potter. End of Plan A. I should start thinking about Plan B.



Back in the graveyard both of them are getting ready for the duel. They stand facing each
other.
Potter: (remembering) There's Expeliarrmus, E-X-P-P ... Oh great! how was that spelled? ...


Darklord: (announces) No body shall interfere. People shall remember this day as the day, the dark
 lord, who died, lived and the boy who lived when the dark lord died - well died!

The death eaters look at each other... and applause (all except Wormtail of course)
Darklord: (whispers to the guy next to him) Hey you ... How was that green light spell used?
Death Eater: "Swish the wand at your enemy like this (points to the guy next to him who is waving
back saying "No NO ..." ) and say - Avada Kedavra - with intention." (the other guy
 falls over dead)

The duel begins.
Potter:
Exppp..
Darklord: Avvvada Kedavraaaa!

A green stream of light hits Potter's wand at full speed. The wand replies automatically
with a golden jet of light. The whole area brightens up and the wands stay connected by a
golden thread of light.

After a few seconds of extreme wand action, the darklord's wand starts showing signs of
weaknesses. Something materializes out of the wand and takes up the shape of Cedric.
He's followed by the old fellow Frank and later James.

(wands are still connected by the thread of light)
Potter: Hi Dad... What's happening?
James:
Not sure but I guess his wand is regurgitating. We are coming back in the reverse order
that we got killed. Your mom is on her way. Just hold on.
Potter:
Thats not right. You got killed before my mom. So she should be coming out first?
James: She's been dressing up like for two hours. Women you know ... (giggles and stops as
Lily arrives just then)

Meanwhile the darklord is totally confused at the wand behavior: "Can someone tell me 
what is happening?"

The wandmaker steps forward.

"The thing is that the wand you are holding does not belong to you and your wand 
owner's mother married that boy's father's first cousin. So in theory his wand becomes
the Uncle-wand of your wand and so your wand is kinda helpless against the wand 
of his."
Darklord:
Can you explain in detail?

Wand maker gives him a mean stare: "Your wand is sick"

Suddenly everybody hears that awful sound of the wand regurgitating again.... GWAAA!
Darklord:
Aw poor thing! Someone help him. Bring him some bucket or something.
Team Scarry: (shouts) "This is your moment"
Potter:
Hey you, If you break the connection I can give him this bucket over here.
Darklord: (pulls away the wand) OK boy, here you go, the connection is broken. Get the bucket.
Wormtail: That's funny. I thought that was the port key.
Darklord: What??? Noooo ... Stop himm ...

Scarry dives over the portkey... The death eaters dive over Scarry ... Voldemort, well ...
dives over Wormtail.


The End.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Ceaser and Maksimus


Caesar Commodus along with his trusted lieutenant Gaius  is hosting games in the 
grandest arena of all: the Colosseum to entertain people. But Rome's fate is going down
the spiral by the minute.

Gaius:
"Today we shall recreate the battle of Carthage. On my left, led by the Spaniard -
"The Gladiators" and coming through the gates to decimate them - "Africanus"!

Crowd breaks into an applause and cheers "Spaniard ... Spaniard ... Spaniard"

Caesar Commodus is watching eagerly: "Africanus are expected to rock isn't it?"
Gaius: Yes my lord.
Commodus: They're from my new praetorian army right? Are they of any harm to us?
Gaius: Do not worry emperor. They're taught to fear your name. They shall stand up and hail
Caesar the moment they hear the name.
Commodus:
Ah that's good!



Down in the arena:
Maksimus (a.k.a) Spaniard: Whatever comes through that gate we stand our ground!
Juba: I shall think about that after seeing the thing.
Praetorian Guard: Open the gate!!

The 2nd Guard opens the gate... an old man is standing there calling out loud: 
"Whoever buys this goat gets the hen for free!"
1st Guard: Thats the Exit gate you fool... open the other gate!
2nd Guard: Sorry my mistake, my mistake! (Opens the other gate)

A chariot with 2 archers and a rider comes pacing down the track.
Archer: (with the bow in his hands) How do you operate this thing??
Rider: Place the arrow and pull it backwards

CRACK!
Archer: Okay it broke. Now what?
Rider: I meant pull the string! Not the bow!
Maksimus: (to one of the gladiators) You, yes you fat guy. Go and tell them some story and
get them around that bend. We shall set a trap there.
Fat guy: Why me?
Maksimus: They can't miss you among the crowd. We have to destroy the chariot at any cost.
Fat guy: Why is it always me? What shall I tell? I don't think they'll listen to me.
Juba: Tell the rider that his mother is sick and wants him immediately in the sanctuary.



After a short while ...
Rider: Oh lord what is that? They have placed a boulder in the way.


Archer: That is some fatso sitting there. Turn the chariot the other way.

The chariot turns hard but collides with the fat guy and falls on to one side.
All 3 of them are thrown out from the cart and knocked out cold.


Fat guy: Hey I wanted to tell you something ... your mother is seriously ill.

The fallen Archer grunts ...
Fat guy: (shaking the faller archer) Hey you .. I'm talking to you. Your mother is seriously ill.
She want to see you immediately. Shall I carry you there?

Maksimus and his companions jump in. Juba goes for the Archers.
Maksimus: Leave them there. Destroy the chariot.
Juba: But there's no one the chariot.
Maksimus: Stick to the plan. We have to destroy the chariot.
Juba: But ..
Maksimus: No more questions...
Fat guy: (sobbing) The poor guy's mother is sick and he cannot move a bit.
Juba: (thinks) Why do I always end up with idiots around me?


Crowd is cheering with all their might ... "Spaniard ... Spaniard"

They demolish the chariot and emerge as the winners. Commodus decides to pay a visit to the
brave Spaniard. He comes down to the arena surrounded by Praetorian Army. Meanwhile
Maksimus is busy collecting the helmets and jewellery from the fallen warriors. He does not
see all the fuzz and Commodus coming up behind him.


Commodus: Gladiator. Show me your face!
Maksimus: One second. I am kinda busy right now.
Commodus: How dare you show your back to me? You shall remove the helmet and tell me your name!

Maksimus frustrated rises up slowly and turns around ... (Hans Zimmer starts the music)

Maksimus:
My name is Maksimus Decimus Julius Augustus ... forget it, it's a long one ... Commander of
the Armies of the North. General of the Felix Legions. Loyal servant to the true Emperor.
Father to a murdered hen. Husband to a hundred wives - and I will have my blunders this way
or that way! (and thinks) "What am I saying?"
Commodus: I shall call you Max for short. I might not be the true Emperor. But you must show your loyalty
to me.

Suddenly a plan suddenly strikes in Maksimus' head.
Maksimus: (to the praetorians) He is not your emperor. He's a fake!
Praetorians: You are lying!
2nd Praetorian: (whispers) But he just said he is not the true emperor.
1st Praetorian: Sire. Are you not truly our emperor?
Commodus: Fools. Do not listen to him. I said I am not the true emperor but I am the emperor which is true.
Maksimus: Prove it!

Praetorians are confused.

Commodus gets frustrated. "I am Commodus Caesar and I have my Olive crown. 
Isn't that good enough?"
Praetorians: Hail Caesar!
Maksimus: I do not believe you. I can get this crown from that old man outside for 10 goats. If you are
the real one the spell 'Caesar' for me!
Commodus: Er.. there is a Z ... then there is a J ... or was that a C?
Maksimus: (to the praetorians) Haha ... I told you he's a fake.

The praetorians turn to Commodus in anger.
Commodus: (out thinks all of them) I am the boss and I shall call myself 'GUS' from now on. I can spell
that ... "G-U-S"
Maksimus: That's it. He's "GUS" as he says. Then I shall call myself as "Caesar" from now on.
Praetorians: Hail Caesar!
Commodus: What the ..?
Maksimus: Take him in.

Commodus is standing there bewildered:  "From where did I recruit these dumbheads"
Gaius: (calls out from the stands) You did not. I did. They were the best available out there you
 fake piece of crap.

Praetorians take Commodus into the prison. Crowd is cheering on ... "Maksimus the 
merciful ... Maksimus ... Maksimus"
Juba: Nice plan man! Do you know how to spell Caesar?
Maksimus: Yups. It's S-E-A-C-A-R.
Juba: Isn't that 'Seeker'?
Maksimus: Is it? Who cares?


Maksimus addresses all the people of Rome.

"Dear fellow country men ... From today onwards Rome shall be a freak ... um free 
nation. Anyone can roam around Rome freely. Who am I? 
I am Maksimum Decimat... whatever... and I shall have my vengeance - in this life or
the next!"


The End.

Friday, March 9, 2012

(Need for) Speed?


Zack has been told by the bomber that there's a bomb in the bus and if the bus goes below
50 it'll explode. He's in a car running alongside the bus trying to get in.
Zack: L.A.P.D - Open the bus!
Driver: As if I would ...
Zack: L.A.P.D - Please open the bus!
Driver: @#$#$ Get lost!
Zack: Open up or I'll blow the bus in to pieces! (and thinks): "lol .... how ironic would that be?"
Driver: Okay okay! get in!

Zack dives in. The car driver breathes free.
Zack: I'm Zack. There's a bomb in the bus. Nobody shall panic. Just stay above 50.

Driver jumps out of the bus straightaway: "I'm outta here!"
Passenger: Shoot the hostage!

Zack nails the driver down with a bullet: "I said nobody shall panic. Okay who else want 
to try that?"

Anne who was sitting in the front seat looks at the driving wheel with a gleaming eye.
Anne: Please ... please ... let me drive the bus ...
Zack: Go ahead lady. Just make sure that you stay above 50 no matter what.
Anne: (taking the driver's seat) Yeah ... let's rock!

Speedometer ticks ... 52, 51, 50.5 ... (tense music) ... 53, 55, 60, 70, 80, 90 ...

Everybody holds on to their seats. Zack is swaying to and fro in the bus.
Zack: Will you slow down?
Anne: I'm staying above 50 no matter what you say!
Zack: (thinks) Where did she come from?
Anne: (in racing mode) Move out of the way you filthy subjects ... Queen Anne is on her way!

Zack sighs ...
Bomber: (calls Zack) Let's play jack. Do anything funny and I have the remote with me to take you
all down. And you better tell that girl to slow down.
Zack: (to the passengers) He's watching us but probably can't hear us. Everybody stay calm!
I need to think.

He looks for the bomb and finds it underneath a panel.
Passenger: Any ideas? Can't we simply remove the floor panel completely with the bomb in it? 
(whispers) "At least can we kick her out?"
Zack: No. Removing the floor panel would be too easy. I'll get in touch with the cops and then
I'll get a roller skate and lie flat on it then slide underneath the bus and try to dismantle
the bomb hanging on one hand!
Passenger: (thinks) "Okay, that's a true nutter"

Soon officer McMahon and his troops join the bus in their own vehicles alongside with
skateboard and ropes in their hands.



Meanwhile on TV:
Reporter: 3 men feared dead and 15 people injured as a bus carrying 10 passengers runs havoc
in the city. The bus is speeding on like a mad dog and hitting everything in its way.
The driver identified as Anne is known to be on her way back home after 12 month
medication for panic disorder and unstable mind.



Back in the bus...
Anne: Yippee ...and there goes the traffic guard into the manhole! That's a slamdunk!
Bomber: (in phone) I'm going to watch a baseball game Zack, your new driver is doing the job for me.

Zack gets an idea. He calls out to McMahon
Zack: Guys, feed him highlights of any classic baseball game - intercept his TV signal. Play it over
and over and we'll get some valuable time.
McMahon: I'm on it. Consider that done!

Zack jumps into their vehicle. They get in front of the bus and prepares the skate board.
Jack lies flat on it and slowly goes underneath the bus. Everyone is tensed.
McMahon: (looking at a map in hand): Officer? there's no bridge ahead??? This map says there's
a bridge!
Officer: Hey, that ain't no map. It's the plan for the bridge. Where did ya get that?

Meanwhile the Bomber is watching an old game highlights unknowingly: "Oh! that was 
a close game ..."



Back in the bus:
Anne: Zack??? What are u doing underneath? I see a large gap ahead.
Zack: (from below) What do u think I'm doing here?

Suddenly the bus hits a divider on the side and jolts ...
Anne: Oh god! Did I run him over? Did I hit him? Did I????
Passenger: (looks through the rear window) No, he's safe.
Anne: My bad. May be I'll get him next time...
Bomber: (at home watching the same game again) "Oh lord! that too was a close game. 
This is interesting."



Back in the bus:
Passenger: Hey Zack ... What to do with the gap?
Zack: (from below) Jump over the gap!
Anne: Are you crazy? We can always take the other route.
Zack: Jump over ... I need some light down here! Can't even see the dial!
Anne: Well, okay ...everybody hold on!
Passengers: (thinks together) "OMG! Who let these idiots take over?"

The bus races up the slope and jumps over the gap ... everyone's relieved.
Anne: We did it ... Zack? Zaackk??

(No voice from below)
Passenger: Thank god. I think we lost him. Stay above 50!
Anne: That's sad. I was planning to run him down in style. :(

A few minutes later Zack is seen running towards the bus again. He dives in again into that
speeding bus.
Passengers: (thinks) "Not again!"
Anne: How did you get back here?
Zack: Took the subway. Back at the gap I fell on top of a train
Anne: Cool! Now what? (with a gleam) Are you going down again??
Zack: No. Take the road to the Airport. We'll refill the bus and go in circles.

Meanwhile ..
Bomber: (watching it for the fourth time): "I can't believe it. They lost it again."



... 4 hours later ...
Reporter: The bus after destroying 2 more air crafts is still circling in the airport. Authorities have
decided to bring in the S.W.A.T team to take down the bus.

Zack in the bus is fed up and running out of ideas. He calls the bomber.
Zack: You there?
Bomber: (wiping his forehead) "Man! that was close again!"
Zack: I give up. I'm sorry, but u were watching the same game for the last 4 hours.
Bomber: Yup. I knew that. I was watching to see if they'll ever learn from losing. Dumb fellas.
Anyway, let me get back to you - let's turn off the TV, Shall we?

"Why the HELL is this remote not working ???"

A small puff is heard from the other end of the phone.
Bomber: Zack u there?? Zaackk??


The End.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

In Suspension

They took their respective seats in the flight. Clob, looking at a sleeping Fischer gave them
one final briefing: "Once we are inside Fischers dream we need to be careful not to lose our
way. Only Saito here knows the map of the lab and he must be protected. Make sure that
no one gets killed in the dream or prepare yourself for a long limbo."
Saito, Arthur and Ariadne nods in agreement. They take the position and falls into a deep sleep
thanks to the heavy sedatives. All of 'em lands inside a laboratory.
Clob: Mr. Saito, lead the way please.
Saito: (remembering) The passage to the left leads to Dr.Fischer's private room, let's go.
Arthur: He lives in the toilet?
Saito: (blushes) Sorry, it must be the next one.
They see a man screaming in front of the lavatory: ""*%^^#%$ ... Open up! you have been in
for nearly 2 hours now!"
(a voice is heard from the inside)"Sorry ... would've been just 5 minutes up there. It's all
too slow in here, you know!"
Clob: Never thought of that. That means we should get out fast. I ate too much up there.
Arthur: They must be Fischer's friends .. anyway, let's go!
Saito: In there?
Clob gives him a stare.
As they move on they find a hidden door. Inside they find all kinds of funnels and chemical
equipments. Right in the middle of the lab someone is playing a video game in his laptop.
He's so involved that he is swaying left and right with the game.
"Take that you dumb headed aliens .. and that ...."
Clob: Who are you?
Saito: I know you ... you are that pilot! What are you doing in here? Who's running the plane???
Pilot: Oops ... must've dozed off Sir ... bye! (and he vanishes)
They look at each other. Ariadne suddenly takes 3-4 pills from her pocket and swallows them.
Clob: (puzzled) What was that for?
Ariadne: I was checking if I am indeed in a dream. These are sleeping pills. My totem. I cannot sleep in
here 'again' ...(yawns) ca..aan I?  (dozes off)
Clob: There goes one to limbo ... guys, please be careful. Don't do anything stupid.
Saito: . (picking up a glass beaker) His dream is filled with idiots. Look at this. They have labeled this
colorless liquid as colorfoam. It smells good too ..
Arthur: Stop! It's chloroform!
Saito faints before he can sneeze...
Clob: God! the guy can't read properly and he was showing us the way. He too must be in limbo now!
Arthur: Now what? We lost the dumb head ... I mean the architect and the guide.
Clob: I need to go after them. I've a plan. You wait here till we come back.
Arthur: (thinks) Great! What a place to stay back and wait for someone!
Clob intentionally smells the chloroform and dozes off. He enters limboland and finds Saito
and Ariadne waiting there.
Ariadne: . Hi there, Clob. We knew you would come for us
Saito: How do we get back?
Clob: I need the kick ... Ow!! Not that one! the other kick. I'm going to shoot myself in the foot.
He takes the gun and shoots himself in the foot. Nothing happens.
Ariadne: The bullet will take at least a day to come out of the gun in a limbo!
Clob: Oh, I never thought of that too. Now what shall we do? How can I get a kick?
Saito: Will this do? (Plonk!)
Clob falls over. Saito is shivering with an iron pipe in his hands ...
Saito: Is ... he ... dead? I didn't mean to hit that hard.
Ariadne: K.O.
Saito :( :(  (in Japanese)


Ariadne:
Wow!  a limbo within a limbo. That will be at least 200 years before he'll be back. LOL by
that time he'll be dead twice up there and in here. Let's try and find a way out ourselves.
Arthur: (a level up, tearing off pages from a book) They will come back ... They will not ... They will
come back ... They will not...
Meanwhile on the flight, Fischer smiles in his sleep.
The End.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Load of the Rings: Return of the Ring

Middle Earth - Mordor is a vast land which lies flat to the right of Gondor which is surrounded
by a vast sea on one side and by the giant mountain ranges of Balindor on the other side, to
the right of which lay Isildor which covers nearly a quarter of the land masses in Minas
Morgul which was ...
Tolkien: Cut the crap!
Madman: Okay! So there's this master ring that the ex-evil gang lord Sauron seeks, that which came
to Smeagol/Gollum (the double brainer) and then to Fraudo Baggins via Bilbo ... you know
the story. But this one has a quicker ending (haha).
The three of them - Fraudo, Sam and Smeagol began the 40,000 foot climb to Mordor a
few months back .. they're nearing the top now. Smeagol is slightly ahead of the other two
leading the way.
Gollum: We wants it. We needs it. Must have the preciouss!
Smeagol: (whispers) Keep it quites or I'll kicks your **s all the ways to tops!
Fraudo: I'll kill that old fool the moment I set my foot back on ground. He said the climb would be
cakewalk with this stupid ring on my neck.
Sam: (dragging along) Yeah, we've been like cake walking for ages
Fraudo: Anyway let's take a quick nap before we eat. Have you got anything to eat?
Sam: Wait a minute ... I think I have some ... here
Fraudo: What's this? Lemba's bread?
Sam: No it's mine!
Fraudo: Lemba's is the manufacturer fool. Anyway let's eat it afterwards!
They take a short nap. Meanwhile Smeagol sneaks in and eats up as much bread as he could
from Sam's bag. He throws the rest of the bread to the bottom of the mountain. A few hours
later the duo wakes up and prepares to eat.
Sam: It's gone! the bread!
Fraudo:
What? That's all we had left!
Sam: (pointing to Gollum) He took it!
Smeagol: I did not!
Sam: You did it!
Gollum: We did not!
Sam: Did too!
Gollum: Did not!!
Sam: Did too!!!
Gollum: Burp! (a piece of bread flies from his mouth to Sam's face)
Sam: (pointing) Seee!
Gollum: (pointing at Sam) Ssee!!
Fraudo: I see the bread on your nose Sam, how can you do this to me?
Sam: What? Me? It just came flying from his mouth!
Smeagol: Poor smeagol thoughts bread crumbs don't flys ...
Fraudo: Excellent Smeagol! That's it. Give up Sam.
Sam throws himself at Gollum punching him.
Sam: You stinking two faced ..
Gollum: Bad fatso ...
Fraudo: Filthy Sam ... Smeagol, give him one on the face and I'll give you this ring!
Sauron: (in the ring) Not him! Not him! He smells like fish!
Smeagol: Myyy preccciou (Wham! Sam hits him on the face)
Fraudo: Move back you ... you ... (Wham! Sam hits Fraudo square on the nose)
Fraudo: Howf dare you hit me? ... I'll tell Gandalf!
Sam goes completely crazy. He lifts Fraudo up in the air and throws him down the cliff.
Sam: (calling out) Tell Gandalf that I gave you a lift to the ground floor!
Gollum: Thieves, thieves ... We needs the precious.
Sam: Then you go with him. Off you go! (Sam lifts him and throws him down as well)
Gollum: Whoaaa preciouuussss .......... thud!
Fraudo: (lying with a broken leg down far below) Hey Sam ... I see the bread!
Sam: (calls out from up above) You see the dead? That's what you get if you start a fight with
Samwise Gamgee. You deserve it!
Gollum: (lying beside Fraudo) We ... wants it .
Fraudo: Poor fella. Here you go. Take this bread. You can have all of it. I don't mind at all.
Sauron: (in the ring) Oh great! and I thought the trip to Mordor would be a lot easier if I take this
hobbit instead of that old wizard! I deserve it! .... damn! I can't even slap my fore head in this
thing!
The End.

Monday, January 30, 2012

The Da Vinshi Code


Sophie and Longdon lifted their gaze and followed Fache's outstretched finger. There on
the floor creating a stark island of white light lay the body of the curator wearing
only his shorts. His arms and legs were sprawled outward in a wide spread eagle, like
those of a child making a snow angel.On his abdomen someone had drawn five
straight lines that intersected to form a five pointed star. In red.
Sophie: What does that mean? The pentacle?
Longdon: No, it's primarily the symbol that kids use to create with rubber bands, not sure why he
was drawing it.
Fache:
We did get a couple of rubber bands along with a box of champagne and cheese burgers
from the other room. Someone must have sent him those.
Longdon:
Why would someone send him rubber bands?
Fache: (thinks) what an idiot!
Sophie:
He must have had a hell of a supper. Was it McDonald's?
Fache:
(mumbles) tasted like that ...

They walk around the room investigating and finds a black light pen lying nearby.
Fache:
This pen is not working. Why would he carry a pen that is not working?
Sophie: It smells good though.
Longdon:
Look at his posture. I was wondering why is he lying like that?
Sophie:
He could've been stretching out ...
Longdon: (thinks) What an idiot!

Suddenly the lights went out in the room and on the floor it was written in glowing ink:

13-3-2-21-1-1-8-5
O' lame draconian devlin ...
Fache:
Hello, What's this? mmh... I think it is a phone number for emergency blackouts ... clever
man!
Sophie:
(thinks) what an idiot!
Longdon:
(exclaims loudly) I get it! ... the paintings ... he had his last supper yesterday ... and this
must be the Vitruvian man ... so the numbers must be the Fibonacci series ... then the
writing must be an anagram.
Curator:
(sitting up) then I musht be the American preshident ...
Fache: What the .. ??
Curator:
Uh, can someone bring me mor shhampagne??? Idiotsh won't lemme sleep peashfully!
Oh what do I do?? ... I losht the lottery ... I'll shoot that Devlin...

He gets up and walks into the next room ...
Sophie: Lottery? .. so that was the numbers.

Langdon looks away ...
Sophie:
Devlin musht be ... sorry, MUST be the seller.
Curator:
(from the other room) Whooo aite my cheesh burgers? And who drew this on my
shtomach? Wat's thish ... tumato shaushe?

Fache looks upwards ...
Sophie:
ehhem ...
Fache:
Okay! I admit it ... I badly needed a case. I thought he was lying dead!


Longdon:
(Sighs)
Sophie: (calls out) Why were you lying like Da Vinci's Vitruvian man?


Curator: Oui .. Vittru what? I wash lying in the beash lasht noight and making a shnow angelll in
the shand! I alwaysh like them shnow angelshh ... do u like them? Ohhh! I love shnoww
angelshhh ...
All 3 of them: (thinks) Wott an idiot!


The End.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Morpheus and Neon in The Madtricks

Morpheus is slowly (but surely) going crazy from too much stress and adventure ...
Neon (Mr. Henderson), a wannabe superhero, is called into the screening room.
Overdose of lights has made the room blindingly white. Morpheus is wearing night
shades to cut off the light. Neon who is a fashion freak has his own pair of cool
looking glasses.
Apart from two chairs and one old fashioned TV [one from the 1960s], the room is
pretty much empty. Neon moves closer to Morpheus to take a seat but trips over
the TV cable:
Morpheus: Tumbling down the rabbit hole, eh????
Neon: Can't you wire it up properly?
Morpheus:
They say that I'm losing my wirings ...
Neon: Tell me why I'm here.
Morpheus:
You have the gift, you use the tools very well. What you do is magic.
Neon: We call it as plumbing.
Morpheus: I disagree. Have u seen the matrix, that cool effect of numbers?
Neon:
No
Morpheus:
It is everywhere. I'll show you. Here is a red pill and a blue pill. If you swallow the blue
pill you will skip the reality (he fails to say "quite literally"). If you take the red one you
can see the matrix. Please choose.
Neon driven with excitement picks up the red pill and swallows it.
Trinity dives into the room on one leg balancing two cups of coffee in either hand.
Trinity:
Poor old Morpheus is taking medicine for his short term memory loss now. Did he give
you something? Please don't accept anything from him.
Neon:
I just ate a red pill from him.
Trinity:
OMG!
Morpheus:
Don't worry I know he is the one.
Neon:
I am seeing numbers ... they are falling all around me!
Morpheus:
See I told you ...
Trinity:
!!
Neon: Now I am seeing stars .. they are falling all around me
Morpheus:.
I know I know ... I have always wanted to take the blue pill and see it for myself
Neon:
What the hell? the blue pill?? You told me it's the red one.
Morpheus:
Wait a minute, I forget ... hey Trinity, which one was the matrix pill?
Trinity: As if I know ...
Morpheus:
What shall we do? The Oracle gave me the pills.Should we ask her?
Trinity:
She would have expected YOU to eat it. Not him!
Neon:
I am seeing birds ... they are falling all around me ...
Trinity:
It is not them, you are the one who is falling ...
Neon:
Oh ... Wow ... now I can see the chipset in front of me, is this the matrix? Am I the one?
Trinity:
Somebody call 911, we have a man with his head stuck into the TV!
Morpheus:
Anybody need a blue pill??? I've one spare with me here!
The End.

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