Sunday, February 26, 2012

In Suspension

They took their respective seats in the flight. Clob, looking at a sleeping Fischer gave them
one final briefing: "Once we are inside Fischers dream we need to be careful not to lose our
way. Only Saito here knows the map of the lab and he must be protected. Make sure that
no one gets killed in the dream or prepare yourself for a long limbo."
Saito, Arthur and Ariadne nods in agreement. They take the position and falls into a deep sleep
thanks to the heavy sedatives. All of 'em lands inside a laboratory.
Clob: Mr. Saito, lead the way please.
Saito: (remembering) The passage to the left leads to Dr.Fischer's private room, let's go.
Arthur: He lives in the toilet?
Saito: (blushes) Sorry, it must be the next one.
They see a man screaming in front of the lavatory: ""*%^^#%$ ... Open up! you have been in
for nearly 2 hours now!"
(a voice is heard from the inside)"Sorry ... would've been just 5 minutes up there. It's all
too slow in here, you know!"
Clob: Never thought of that. That means we should get out fast. I ate too much up there.
Arthur: They must be Fischer's friends .. anyway, let's go!
Saito: In there?
Clob gives him a stare.
As they move on they find a hidden door. Inside they find all kinds of funnels and chemical
equipments. Right in the middle of the lab someone is playing a video game in his laptop.
He's so involved that he is swaying left and right with the game.
"Take that you dumb headed aliens .. and that ...."
Clob: Who are you?
Saito: I know you ... you are that pilot! What are you doing in here? Who's running the plane???
Pilot: Oops ... must've dozed off Sir ... bye! (and he vanishes)
They look at each other. Ariadne suddenly takes 3-4 pills from her pocket and swallows them.
Clob: (puzzled) What was that for?
Ariadne: I was checking if I am indeed in a dream. These are sleeping pills. My totem. I cannot sleep in
here 'again' ...(yawns) ca..aan I?  (dozes off)
Clob: There goes one to limbo ... guys, please be careful. Don't do anything stupid.
Saito: . (picking up a glass beaker) His dream is filled with idiots. Look at this. They have labeled this
colorless liquid as colorfoam. It smells good too ..
Arthur: Stop! It's chloroform!
Saito faints before he can sneeze...
Clob: God! the guy can't read properly and he was showing us the way. He too must be in limbo now!
Arthur: Now what? We lost the dumb head ... I mean the architect and the guide.
Clob: I need to go after them. I've a plan. You wait here till we come back.
Arthur: (thinks) Great! What a place to stay back and wait for someone!
Clob intentionally smells the chloroform and dozes off. He enters limboland and finds Saito
and Ariadne waiting there.
Ariadne: . Hi there, Clob. We knew you would come for us
Saito: How do we get back?
Clob: I need the kick ... Ow!! Not that one! the other kick. I'm going to shoot myself in the foot.
He takes the gun and shoots himself in the foot. Nothing happens.
Ariadne: The bullet will take at least a day to come out of the gun in a limbo!
Clob: Oh, I never thought of that too. Now what shall we do? How can I get a kick?
Saito: Will this do? (Plonk!)
Clob falls over. Saito is shivering with an iron pipe in his hands ...
Saito: Is ... he ... dead? I didn't mean to hit that hard.
Ariadne: K.O.
Saito :( :(  (in Japanese)


Ariadne:
Wow!  a limbo within a limbo. That will be at least 200 years before he'll be back. LOL by
that time he'll be dead twice up there and in here. Let's try and find a way out ourselves.
Arthur: (a level up, tearing off pages from a book) They will come back ... They will not ... They will
come back ... They will not...
Meanwhile on the flight, Fischer smiles in his sleep.
The End.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Load of the Rings: Return of the Ring

Middle Earth - Mordor is a vast land which lies flat to the right of Gondor which is surrounded
by a vast sea on one side and by the giant mountain ranges of Balindor on the other side, to
the right of which lay Isildor which covers nearly a quarter of the land masses in Minas
Morgul which was ...
Tolkien: Cut the crap!
Madman: Okay! So there's this master ring that the ex-evil gang lord Sauron seeks, that which came
to Smeagol/Gollum (the double brainer) and then to Fraudo Baggins via Bilbo ... you know
the story. But this one has a quicker ending (haha).
The three of them - Fraudo, Sam and Smeagol began the 40,000 foot climb to Mordor a
few months back .. they're nearing the top now. Smeagol is slightly ahead of the other two
leading the way.
Gollum: We wants it. We needs it. Must have the preciouss!
Smeagol: (whispers) Keep it quites or I'll kicks your **s all the ways to tops!
Fraudo: I'll kill that old fool the moment I set my foot back on ground. He said the climb would be
cakewalk with this stupid ring on my neck.
Sam: (dragging along) Yeah, we've been like cake walking for ages
Fraudo: Anyway let's take a quick nap before we eat. Have you got anything to eat?
Sam: Wait a minute ... I think I have some ... here
Fraudo: What's this? Lemba's bread?
Sam: No it's mine!
Fraudo: Lemba's is the manufacturer fool. Anyway let's eat it afterwards!
They take a short nap. Meanwhile Smeagol sneaks in and eats up as much bread as he could
from Sam's bag. He throws the rest of the bread to the bottom of the mountain. A few hours
later the duo wakes up and prepares to eat.
Sam: It's gone! the bread!
Fraudo:
What? That's all we had left!
Sam: (pointing to Gollum) He took it!
Smeagol: I did not!
Sam: You did it!
Gollum: We did not!
Sam: Did too!
Gollum: Did not!!
Sam: Did too!!!
Gollum: Burp! (a piece of bread flies from his mouth to Sam's face)
Sam: (pointing) Seee!
Gollum: (pointing at Sam) Ssee!!
Fraudo: I see the bread on your nose Sam, how can you do this to me?
Sam: What? Me? It just came flying from his mouth!
Smeagol: Poor smeagol thoughts bread crumbs don't flys ...
Fraudo: Excellent Smeagol! That's it. Give up Sam.
Sam throws himself at Gollum punching him.
Sam: You stinking two faced ..
Gollum: Bad fatso ...
Fraudo: Filthy Sam ... Smeagol, give him one on the face and I'll give you this ring!
Sauron: (in the ring) Not him! Not him! He smells like fish!
Smeagol: Myyy preccciou (Wham! Sam hits him on the face)
Fraudo: Move back you ... you ... (Wham! Sam hits Fraudo square on the nose)
Fraudo: Howf dare you hit me? ... I'll tell Gandalf!
Sam goes completely crazy. He lifts Fraudo up in the air and throws him down the cliff.
Sam: (calling out) Tell Gandalf that I gave you a lift to the ground floor!
Gollum: Thieves, thieves ... We needs the precious.
Sam: Then you go with him. Off you go! (Sam lifts him and throws him down as well)
Gollum: Whoaaa preciouuussss .......... thud!
Fraudo: (lying with a broken leg down far below) Hey Sam ... I see the bread!
Sam: (calls out from up above) You see the dead? That's what you get if you start a fight with
Samwise Gamgee. You deserve it!
Gollum: (lying beside Fraudo) We ... wants it .
Fraudo: Poor fella. Here you go. Take this bread. You can have all of it. I don't mind at all.
Sauron: (in the ring) Oh great! and I thought the trip to Mordor would be a lot easier if I take this
hobbit instead of that old wizard! I deserve it! .... damn! I can't even slap my fore head in this
thing!
The End.

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